1337 h4x0ring “the body”

Spring 2016 semester has ended and I managed to get straight A’s in my classes, which shocks me quite a lot. I still have this feeling hanging around from high school that I’m terrible with academics. This feeling lingers while I interview people for my podcast. It lingers when I write poetry. It’s everywhere.

One of my final projects was to create a sound art project, I decided to take some of the poems I’m tentatively writing for my thesis and create soundscapes to accompany them. I had a lot of fun figuring this project out, blending sounds that may have been in the past with contemporary sounds. After I presented the work, a young gq person asked me why the title is “CAENEUS ISN’T TRANS” when they thought that I was positioning Caeneus as trans. I told them that it’s all part of my struggle in trying to identify with a trans ancestor when there weren’t trans people in Greece the way we think of trans in contemporary time, due to different gender norms, etc. To quote Trish Salah, I’m trying to figure out my “propensity…to limn Greek mythology” when looking back for ancestors. You should listen to the project, it’s not very long!

 

Now that I have breathing space I can work on my visual art a little more. The featured image for this blog post is the pile of anatomy bits I’m using to collage for a poetry comic I’m drawing. I found a poem I wrote a few years ago called “Eigengrau” that’s rife with concepts. I’m hoping I can make the poetry comic four pages long, since each page takes me a long time to compose, specifically in working with the relationship between the External Compositional Structure of the page and Internal Compositional Structure(s) of the panels. I’m a complete newb at visual art, so there’s no subtle golden ratio composition going on with my work. Mainly I use pretty standard zig-zags and x’s the guide the eye around the page.

I’m terrible with blogging and journaling. A friend of mine recently suggested that I start a health journal, especially now that I’ve stopped taking low-dose T, (due to losing accessibility), after almost a complete year of taking it. I’ve been feeling emotionally pretty weird, but I don’t know if that’s due to the T fading from my bloodstream or if it’s the sudden switch in schedule and having the void of summer open up before me. Or I’ve just created a false dichotomy. I do know that once I started taking T, I pretty much stopped journaling. There are so many folks who excitedly jot down or vlog new details about their changing bodies and for some reason I’m the complete opposite. I took pictures of myself the week I started taking T and I’ve yet to take any follow-up pictures. All before no after. Maybe it has to do with my detachment from my body, I don’t know.

To fill some of the summer void I’m interning at a small press. Last week was my first week and I’m already learning a lot about what I want to do and what I don’t want to do in the future. I’ve spent so long working in the non-profit educational world that this internship is an interesting change of environment for me. I’m one of their social media people, which means hours of scrolling through Twitter and making sure posts/tweets are worded just right. Later on I’ll be doing more interesting work with writers.

I’ve also been catching up with reading what I want to read (what a concept!). Last week I finished Gephyromania and succubus in my pocket. I’m working through Companion Grasses now and may read Autobiography of Red next, or List of Consonants (if that ever shows up in the mail!)

Meanwhile, I continue to not write much poetry…and I should be to bulk up material for my thesis. But writing new material continues to be like pulling teeth, and I’d rather just mess with old material.

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